For one of my first articles, I decided to pick procrastination as the topic. I thought this to be a good one because I have been procrastinating for weeks now (maybe even months if I am being really honest), to put articles on my website, let alone just write.
I have found every distraction there is in an attempt to avoid the action of writing. It is not that I failed to set time aside to write. I just found other things to do that seemed more pressing. First, I found myself in a rabbit hole to understand how to get my ‘contact’ page working. This task only takes about 30 minutes but somehow I managed to turn it into a week-long job. Next, I made sure to ramp up my social engagements and even see long-lost friends and to help someone with cooking. Once that was ticked off, I had the urge to learn how to make a lemon tart. I don’t quite know how a lemon tart would be a priority.
Visitors to my house have all commented on how clean my house is. My house is usually quite clean and tidy but for whatever reason it needed to look like some house critic was about to enter and see if I had wiped the dust off the skirting boards. It reminds me of this one time back at University when I found myself vacuum cleaning in the middle of the night in order to avoid writing an essay. Even as I am writing this, I keep going to the fridge in the hope of discovering something that was not there before. Sometimes I wonder if the fridge inspection is the start of a dementia-related issue. Surely, one would remember the contents of the fridge, especially after having closely inspected it at least five times in the last 60 minutes.
Upon reflection, the one action that really struck me was finding distraction in social engagements. Those people that know me well, know that I can be a bit of an introvert. After running around on weekends and on some week nights, I felt somewhat flat. Not because I am not vibing with the people (I sure do, they are my people) but, as any introvert knows, if you are not spending time by yourself to refill your own cup, eventually you feel depleted. I knew that I needed to rest but still I pilled on more, just to ensure I am not getting to my writing.
If you still cannot tell, I am even procrastinating on the topic of procrastination. I just spent four paragraphs on distraction instead of procrastination. So let’s get to it. What is procrastination, why do we do it and what have I come across as useful? Procrastination, as good old Dr Google would say, is “the habit of delaying an important task, usually by focusing on less urgent, more enjoyable, and easier activities instead.” More enjoyable? Vacuum cleaning at 2am does not particularly strike me as more enjoyable but none the less, it happened.
For me, when I procrastinate there are a number of reasons why. I am either uninspired by the task, the task at hand seems too big, I don’t know where to start, I am subconsciously trying to hold myself back, I have to show up fully and show the world who I really am which scares me, and I am also that person that performs better under pressure and with a deadline looming. Whilst all of these play a role at various times and depending on the task, and sometimes it is all of them at once, the one thing that has surfaced as my largest hurdle is perfectionism.
Whatever makes it on the website needs to be perfect, or so I tell myself. Perfectionism can be a real bummer at times and makes a start difficult. In my mind it needs to be perfect from the beginning and every word needs to scream ‘perfect’. In my head the equation goes like this: If it is not perfect, it is not good enough and therefore I am not good enough.
When my good old friend perfectionism rocks up, it often takes me a little while to see that she is floating around. She likes to sneak in through the backdoor whilst I am not watching and before I know it sits on the couch like an uninvited guest who does not want to leave. One time, perfectionism actually stopped me producing some artwork that I was asked to do. Everyone could see how awesome it was going to be but me. I was about 90% there and I decided it was no good. The person who was supposed to receive it even thought it was great at that point, but perfectionism said it wasn’t. This painting never made it to its destination of being hung up in someone’s living room. Instead, it sits in my garage collecting dust, and for good reason. I decided to keep it as a great reminder of how perfectionism can stand in the way of some incredible work.
Perfectionism can also be useful, especially when it comes to having an eye for detail, which is really handy when painting portrait-style art, but when perfectionism takes over, it can be tricky. I have a much better and easier time these days to deal with my perfectionism because of the experience that I had and I value some aspects of perfectionism. It sometimes still happens that perfectionism takes over and it is an evolving relationship but when I realise it is my perfectionism that holds me back, I can quickly move on. Sometimes when perfectionism prevents me from putting my first single word on a blank page, I just put a random word or random sentence there to be playful with it all. If perfectionism stops me in other tasks, I also just start somewhere. Often times somewhere that is as far away from the task as possible but it is simply the habit of starting. Most writers know that a big chunk of what you write does not make it onto the final version, so then why not just start and get on with it?
These days I also set myself deadlines, even for the boring tasks and block out some time to just get it done. The boring tasks are sometimes as important as the meaningful tasks and sometimes the action of just getting things done helps with the more inspiring tasks. Given that I am also someone who performs better with a deadline in sight, having one, even if it is just for myself, greatly assists. A deadline also helps with perfectionism itself. When there is only so much time to do something, perfectionism cannot run freely into every line or even between all the lines, but rather come at the end to do a final check within the time that is given. And whilst perfectionism would tell me it is not right, maybe the very fact that it isn’t perfect is what makes it perfect.
Bottomline for me is to set a deadline, block out some time and just start, even if it is with the most obscure beginning and don’t let perfectionism, a vacuum cleaner, or you yourself stand in your own way.