Month: March 2023

I have pondered all week what to write and I have started several different articles. None of them seem to flow, none of them seem to sit right, none of them feel particularly interesting. My writing is a reflection of how my week went. Too many thoughts are circling around and in all sorts of directions. As soon as I catch a thought and am able to make sense of it, it moves on. This action happens a lot quicker than the speed of my typing. I even find myself writing the heading to something and then I don’t know what to write about. It is like staring at a blank page, that is ready to be infused with letters, but as soon as I lay my fingers on the keyboard, nothing useful is being typed, or so it feels. All sorts of random thoughts that are being interrupted by other random thoughts. It is like our thoughts decide to go on an excursion.

This journey can be frustrating, especially when you had no intention of going on a road trip. Whilst you may have a clear idea or plan on how to get from A to B, one thought didn’t go to the bathroom before jumping in the car and we all need to stop at ‘worry’-town. Then another is thirsty, and we need to grab ‘distraction’ drinks. Another thought decided to invite someone else along and you need to do a detour to catch that thought but as soon as you rock up, it decides it doesn’t want to come anymore. You get back into the car, finally back enroute, when yet another thought jumps into the driver seat and takes the exit which leads into ‘confused’-ville. Before you know it, you are in a town that is not even on the map, and you try to work your way back to the main road to get to your intended destination.

This is a sweet little mess in the head much like scrambled eggs, and not even the good kind with chives on top. All you actually wanted is sunny side up eggs with a clear delineation between the yolk and the egg white. These eggs sit nicely next to each other, with a soft and runny yolk. You wanted your thoughts to be exactly like these perfectly organised little eggs with one thought next to the other, but you got yourself a scramble instead.

This can be annoying and people often get mad at themselves when everything is unorganised. And as much as I love a mini tantrum myself, the best course of action is to stop for a second. When you look at the scramble and observe it, it is not necessarily a bad thing. Quite possibly, it could be exciting, useful and maybe the start of something delicious.

Let’s consider scrambled eggs. To create the perfect fluffy scramble, you need to know to keep the heat low and understand at which precise moment to disturb the eggs to fully incorporate the yolks with the egg whites and when to fold them. When you set out for sunny side up eggs, the pan is hot. When you accidentally disturb the egg yolks and you can’t have perfect sunny side up eggs, the best way to salvage the eggs is to turn them into a scramble. However, at this point the yolks cannot fully mix with the egg whites anymore as the heat doesn’t allow for it; the pan is too hot. What you end up with is a messy scramble where the yolks are still having the colour of yolks and you clearly also see egg whites.

When you overlay this with your thoughts, and how our thoughts would come together, what you get is thoughts that are not fully mixed up but still show up as they are. And whilst it may not seem to be that great, this situation can be most precious. Your thoughts may not be as tasty as the fluffy ones, but they are still standing in their own rights. Maybe, just maybe, you can also find a real gem in this scramble. Only when you have random thoughts that are trying to mix together but are still somewhat separated, can you see some thoughts that are trying to come to the surface, that you may not have otherwise witnessed.

It is like taking that road trip where you end up in a place that is not even on the map. I am not sure about you, but every time I have actually let myself go off route to a place that I had not intended to be in, I found something worthwhile. I have had the best experiences, met incredible people (and thoughts) in the unplanned situations. When we don’t try to force an outcome and simple allow ourselves to go with the flow, we may just have a good time after all. This is scratching the surface to another topic that I am starting to write about (The topic of ‘control issues’ which has lead towards starting my 10^th document).

So where am I going with this? When there is a scramble cooking away in your head, take the time to maybe practice a ‘thought-dump’. This is where you write down random thoughts (and maybe even start ten different documents like me). Let yourself go on the road trip with your thoughts and be curious but don’t attach to them either. Let them be what they are but allow them to flow without having to read into them.

The point is, sometimes being all over the shop is not such a bad thing and our random thoughts can be quite useful. As for me, I have had a week full of interesting thoughts, some more irrational than others, but mostly I have stumbled upon some topics that I want to write about that I didn’t know I had in me. So let yourself go on that road trip and know that a not so perfect scramble may surprise you and taste better than expected. As with anything, sometimes when things don’t go to plan, maybe the alternative route was the route that was more nourishing after all (and you may even find some chives on top).

What an exciting time?! Everywhere you look, you see or hear thrilling news. Someone has just fallen pregnant, someone else is buying a house, someone is getting married, someone else is getting promoted, and someone else is about to start his dream job. Of course, we are happy for them and celebrate with them, but somehow an uncomfortable feeling starts creeping in. We don’t know the feeling is even there until we have more than one person share their exiting news at the same time. We should be ecstatic, and it is not that we don’t want other people to be happy, we definitely do. So what is this strange, yet familiar feeling that keeps lingering away? Quite possibly, we realise the things that are happening for others is what we want, and they don’t seem to be within reach for us . We feel stuck.

We are doing the same old job that we have always done and don’t particularly like. We are having the same conversations that we have always had and they feel dull. Even when we feel a little inspired and put more effort into work, still, little Johnny is being promoted ahead of us. It seems like life is not going anywhere and it is Groundhog Day all over again. We are unhappy with our life and with where things are at. We think there is no way out. Even if we tried, and really, we have tried with no results, it wouldn’t lead to anything, or so we tell ourselves. And given that our thoughts are already running a bit wild, we decide it is best to invite the thoughts that are seductively dressed up in toxicity to get together to form a little pity party.

‘We are not as good as someone else’ shows up first, followed by ‘We are not as pretty as someone else’. Whilst ‘We are not as successful as others’ was undecided but attended after all because its best friend ‘We are not as smart as others’ wanted to party. Before you know it, it becomes a crowd with guests whose names start with “we are not”. And as much as it sounds like a great party, the guests take up space in our minds that could be filled with more loving thoughts and questions. Feeling stuck is not necessarily bad. Only when we feel that way, do we have an opportunity to look at things on a deeper level. Don’t get me wrong, we do ask questions at these parties, but instead of digging into our soul, we take another sip of the ‘Why do I not get what I really want’ cocktail and get high on the ‘What is wrong with me’ drug. The hangover is much worse and filled with the ‘I am failure’ stench coming out of our pores.

I know that the deep questions are often scary and we don’t always want to go there because the answers may not be something we want to hear. When we feel stuck, we are given a great change to understand ourselves better and question whether the things that we want are truly what we want and why.

Do we want to be promoted because we need to show our friends and family, and especially our peers (take little Johnny), that we have hacked it at work and we are someone? Is it because we give a lot and we need to be adequately compensated for what we do (it is an energy exchange after all)? Or is it a combination?

Why do we not like our job? Is it the tasks itself, only part of the tasks, or is it the co-workers? If it is the co-workers, just running away to another company does not usually solve the issue. The move will create similar situations with similar type people. They may look different but they carry the same energy and we start thinking the same unhelpful thoughts again. I am not suggesting to stay in a toxic environment but it may be worthwhile to evaluate if our co-workers are trying to show us something about ourselves. I do think that some of the people that we interact with hold up a mirror for us and show us something about ourselves. Only when we ask the questions do we know whether it is a toxic environment or someone trying to show us something that we don’t want to see. Let’s say a co-worker keeps lying to us. Is that because the person simply is a liar and this has nothing to do with us, or is it because we also are not honest with ourselves about some aspects of ourselves?

If we are not particularly liking the tasks itself but think they will be better at another company because we get more money and a nicer title, they won’t. We eventually find ourselves in the same situation again. It is probably a good time to ask why we do these jobs in the first place. Are the reasons good enough that we don’t feel like we have a midlife crisis every three weeks? Is it time to look at completely different jobs all together? Maybe there is even a job that is better suited for us within the company or maybe it is time to start our own business in a completely different field.

Why is getting married important to us? Is it because everyone else around us is getting married and we feel pressure that we should get ourselves sorted and also work on our 1.75 kids. Do we want to be married because our parents keep pestering us and so do our friends and it is about time? Is it because we have religious or traditional or other beliefs? Does marriage carry a meaningful value deep inside of us? What does marriage mean to us?

A lot of the issues often arise because we compare ourselves to others. But would you really want to live their life? Maybe little Johnny hates his job and is stressed out and wishes to be in your shoes. Possibly, we don’t get promoted because it gives us the time to work on ourselves and gives us a lot of flexibility that we would not have anywhere else. What if we are already in line for promotion but we block that by being grumpy at work and wanting to party with toxic thoughts. Maybe we are not stuck after all but we tell ourselves.

I don’t think we are ever truly stuck. We have simply been given a chance to check in and ask ourselves tough questions. This is an uncomfortable place, but it is the place where we can grow and get closer to ourselves. Sometimes the answer hurts a little and we work out that we need to make adjustments but other times it is quite uplifting and inspiring. For me, I rather know my truth. This is also a chance to realise all the good things in our life and be grateful for what we do have and focus our energy on that. Practicing a little gratitude often goes a long way because good things want to come our way. Whilst gratitude does not guarantee to get us what we want, having a pity party will most definitely not get us there.

My view for when you feel stuck: Cancel the party, ask yourself some questions and be curious about some of the outcomes of your questioning. Be grateful for what you have and let life bring you more of the goodness. Who knows, you might be surprised. And don’t forget to have fun with it too. You can ask yourself the tough questions whilst being playful with it.