Have you ever watched the TV-show “Alone”? You probably can guess that I am not someone who promotes watching TV shows, however, if you want to learn something about humans, and what happens to the mind when one is in absolute isolation in nature and has to forage for food to survive, I highly recommend it. This post is not about the TV-show, I am sorry to disappoint, but it got me thinking about being alone, why we may not want to be alone, but also what great opportunity awaits us by consciously choosing “alone-time”.
To start off with, let’s get clear on one thing. Being alone and feeling lonely are not the same. Most people use these words interchangeably and confuse one with the other. In its simplest explanation, being alone means not having any people physically around oneself, i.e. you are going for a walk in the woods by yourself with no other person in sight. In contrast, feeling lonely, is an emotional state. It has nothing to do with whether there are people around or not; it is an emotion. Likewise, one cannot feel alone, because alone is a physical state. In fairness, and probably the reason why people don’t differentiate between the two, one can feel lonely when one is alone. This is often a reason why we choose not to be in isolation. We are scared, we may find ourselves feeling lonely. In pursuit of avoiding such feeling, we surround ourselves with people we don’t necessarily like and do things we dread. Ironically, by that very action we may find ourselves exactly there; drowning in loneliness whilst being in a sea of people.
We live in a society where being alone is not necessarily celebrated, rather the opposite. It could even be seen as social ‘suicide’ when we choose isolation. We are supposed to go to the parties, we are supposed to surround ourselves with people, we are supposed to fill our weekends with brunches, lunches, coffees, and dinners. We are supposed to have a significant other. We are supposed to…. you fill in the gaps. If we don’t do or have most of these things that the TV ads tell us to, and choose solitude instead, society lets us know that we are not following the norm. People will look at us funny and will question what we do by ourselves. They will wonder whether there is something wrong with us. People will call us ‘different’, ‘strange’ and even ‘difficult’.
Besides the social aspect, the pressure of fitting in, and the fear of being lonely, there is several other reasons for not choosing alone-time. One such reason is a complicated past and we have co-dependency issues and/or were abandoned as a child and as such we are too scared of solitude. Another explanation might be that we don’t actually like ourselves that much. It could be because when we are alone, we might reflect on situations that we didn’t handle well in the past and we dwell on them. It could also be said that by spending time alone, a lot of uncomfortable thoughts may come up and we don’t want to deal with those. Another reason could be that we don’t know who we are, what we like, and we are too scared to find out. Inevitably, we miss a great chance to put a stop to the rubbish we tell ourselves, discontinue that negativity that runs on auto-pilot, and discover treasures we didn’t know we had within us.
Some people cope with being alone better than others. It is easier for introverts to spend time by themselves, as compared to extroverts. This is purely because introverts recharge their batteries by being on their own, whereas extroverts get energy from being around others. It is also important to mention that we are not meant to be by ourselves all the time. We are social creatures after all and as such need connection with others. A point also needs to be made that sometimes being alone is not the right choice and, in some situations, one should surround oneself with others, but one has to know when those moments are. We need to find a balance and choose healthy alone-time to not only build a strong relationship with ourselves but to build a strong mind and we can only do that when we make time for ourselves.
Being alone and choosing to spend time by yourself, can open you up to the most amazing relationship yet- the relationship with yourself. You see, you come here alone and you leave this place alone. People come and go. Situations and events come and go. Jobs come and go. But the one who is always by your side is you. You will always have the support of yourself. You can always rely on yourself. When you choose spending time with yourself and go within, you build the strength to stop relying on others and finding worth within yourself. You stop asking for permission to be you and start becoming you. Being by yourself means you get an opportunity to get to know your ideas and visions and understand when you stand in your own way and how you get out of the way. A strong mind can only be fostered when one builds a strong relationship with oneself and when one knows oneself that well to master oneself.
So find some time to get to know yourself and stop running away from the great person that you are.