Month: February 2024

Life is complicated and often we are not sure which direction to take or what even is the right decision. We consult our partners, families or friends, or even strangers to help us make decisions. Whilst I would agree that some things are more complicated and life is complex at times, especially when life throws us a curve-ball, this is not always the case. We, as a species, have managed to complicate the simplest tasks; the tasks that are actually straight forward. We have made life and decision more complicated than they need to be.

One of the reasons for complicating life is probably the fact that we have more choices these days than we have ever had. A lot of the advancements are absolutely incredible and make life more efficient or easier in some way, but the number of choices can be overwhelming. Think about it: Your partner asks you to get some milk on the way home. Which one will you get? It is not as simple as just getting milk or a matter of full-cream or skim anymore. We now have all sorts of different vitamin varieties and different options of reduced fat milk. Not to mention grass-fed, organic, free-roaming, and we still haven’t decided on the brand yet. I don’t know what happened to normal milk, or what normal milk is anymore. And if you think this is confusing, try being a Barista when someone orders a half-strength decaf, lactose free, three-quarter latte. And then there is a Magic? What even is a Magic? Did someone shake a fairy to sprinkle some magic dust on it? Will a unicorn jump out of the cup? What happened to just simply ordering a coffee?

Consumerism has made things slightly murkier. We are being told by advertisements that we need to have bigger houses, cars, and certain pillows to sleep on to be happy. We buy things to impress others and don’t even know why we have a house full of junk. It sure sounds like a great deal when they tell you at 3.30am on TV that if you call now you get the second one for free. But if the device was as durable as promised, why do we need a second one in the first place? Consumerism and society tell us that we are not happy if we don’t have something, wear something, do something. So we do it in the pursuit of happiness only to feel more and more empty over time and wonder why we are facing the dark night of the soul. We try to cultivate happiness by external things, instead of creating it internally.

Another possible reason for complicating life could be that some of these advancements have also taken us further from ourselves than anticipated and we don’t trust ourselves. We don’t trust that we can make decisions on our own and start relying on others, or devices to make the decision. This way we can avoid responsibility for our actions all together. If the decision turns out to be a bad one, we can blame the person or equipment that gave us the advice, or did the thinking for us. If we make a bad call, we worry that people may not like-us (typical people pleasers). If we don’t have the device with the navigation system, we may not get to our destination. Some advancements have taken us away from ourselves and turned off our internal guiding system. I am not saying to never seek advice, or drive around aimlessly, but to listen carefully and understand whether the advice resonates, and understand that we are in charge of our decisions. We are the ones that take steps or decide not to take steps and where we turn on our path and understand that we can trust ourselves. And by trusting ourselves we can cut through the noise quickly and keep life simple.

The same could be said about interpersonal relations. We don’t need to catch up with people ten times to sound them out and understand whether we get on with them or not. It actually happens on a completely different level and is quite simple. After we meet someone, do we walk away feeling expanded or constricted? Do we feel open to the world, or closed off. That feeling tells us more than any analysis of the actual conversation ever could. Sure, maybe we want to explore whether we feel the same way a few more times to make sure, but the point is we have learnt to intellectualise things instead of listening to our gut when called for. Deep down in our gut we know whether something feels right or not, we know whether we should hang out with people or not, we know whether something is a good deal or not, we know whether we should pursue an opportunity or turn it down. I am not talking about the “not being sure about something or someone because we have been hurt before and we don’t trust it”, I am talking about the knowing deep down of what feels right and what doesn’t. No amount of advice-seeking will get us there because it still needs to align with ourselves and our path.

At some point we will be faced by decision-fatigue, especially the overthinkers among us. If we are unlucky, decision-fatigue will strike when we have no more f’s to give and are faced with life altering decisions. Don’t we rather have enough in our tank to consider those, instead of wasting time thinking about whether we should buy a wine, jam or mahogany coloured lipstick (yes, they are all a very similar colour red and no one actually notices the difference)? If we are unsure whether we should buy a particular shirt or not, it is quite simple – we probably shouldn’t do it. Don’t we know it all, we buy the shirt that we weren’t sure about and then it hangs in our wardrobe never to be worn. Listening within cuts through the noise and assists in keeping life simple. Listening to your gut also tells you whether your gut actually likes your coffee choice in the first place- it literally will tell you.

When you consider that you are the master of your destiny and simple every-day life can stay simple, you bring simplicity back into your life. Life will throw you enough unexpected challenges, just to keep life interesting, which is a real bummer for the control freaks among us. But keeping life simple frees us up to focus on the important things in life and deal with the big decisions, the decisions that do matter and we trust ourselves to make the right calls. As per one of my previous posts, to live life in consequence is to strip away the unnecessary. Life is too short to worry about the small stuff, and it is later than you think. Stop complicating life for yourself with overthinking and worrying about different shades of colour. Instead of looking for perfection, just pick one. Instead of waiting for some fairy dust to appear or wondering whether a unicorn will trot out of your cup, go out into the world and sprinkle your own magic everywhere.

The German language fascinates me. There are some words that technically are multiple words but have been stitched together to become a singular word. Some of which can’t be translated in other languages without losing some of their meaning, and one needs multiple words to describe these. Take “Sehnsucht”, which translates to “a deep longing for something” (I don’t care what Google-translate or other websites say because ‘longing’/’craving’ doesn’t cut it. One does not have Sehnsucht for cheese, but one has Sehnsucht for a person, a magical place or even a magical mysterious experience). Alternatively, you could also consider “Schadenfreude”, which translates to ‘deriving pleasure out of someone else’s misfortune”. This is not a post about the German language. This post is closely related to a particular word which can somewhat be translated for what it is  – “Hirngespinst”.

This word (which is also derived of two words), is often translated to “fantasy” and rightfully so, as it relates to having a crazy idea, or having illusions. It is made up of two words; Hirn = brain, Gespinst = spun yarn. When you think about it, it actually makes sense. We would spin some yarn in our brain to derive at some strange thinking. We keep weaving irrational thoughts together until we end up with a crazy idea and we like to then just run with it. Whilst this word probably is not used in the context of overthinking, not even by the Germans, I like to relate it to that. In some sense it is only one step away from spinning things together in our brain. Or is it?

Overthinking happens when we run our thoughts on auto-replay. It could possibly also be what prevents us from having a crazy idea because instead of weaving thoughts together in one way, we get overwhelmed by thoughts firing off in different parts in our brain. But maybe a Hirngespinst is the result of some overthinking and comes from wiring those thoughts together. Consider this: We find ourselves in a situation where we made a mistake or worry we have made a mistake. We keep replaying the situation over and over again and spend hours if not days thinking about it. We lay awake at night, and try to work out whether we did the right thing, or said the right thing. And it goes on and on.

Overthinking often leads to inaction. We are overwhelmed with the thoughts we have and having to remember what actually happened. The same could be said about worrying about a future project and we either don’t ever start because we cook up all sorts of thoughts about what may go wrong, or we try to plan every aspect of it and it gets all too hard and we abandon the idea or the event. The Project Managers aka Control freaks among us are all too familiar about thinking through when to do what, when to say what and keep other people in check, and even prepare for the off-chance that one of their friends who is coming over for dinner has forgotten to tell them that they are gluten free now. The best course of action is to abandon the party and the dinners altogether and uninvite our friends for a chill afternoon BBQ because we may forget the lactose-free cheese and it will be a disaster. It is best that we don’t go to the gym because we may hurt ourselves with the weights. The loop doesn’t discriminate between a future event or a past event, it just likes to keep on replay, day and night.

Overthinking can lead to creating a Hirngespinst. Spinning unhelpful thoughts together so we keep ourselves stuck and not pursue our dreams, re-living the past 500 times and worrying about things that most often will not happen. Whilst the actual meaning of Hirngespinst is to have a crazy idea or have illusions, overthinking may just be the same. We have ideas about what may or may not eventuate and we latch onto them, and accordingly we have misleading thoughts about ourselves, about others and about situations. As a result we also often tell ourselves that we are not good enough, we are not worthy of anything good, we didn’t handle something right, or we worry that our action in the future may create an unwelcome outcome. We keep ourselves stuck, the moment overthinking turns from simply thinking too much about something, into housing Hirngespinsts (plural).

Overthinking is the one thing that can be so detrimental in moving forward from a situation, or pursuing an opportunity. It needs to be cut out at its knees, and whilst you want to think some things through, some others can just be left alone and for situations to play out how they play out. We don’t need to control them, or think about how to control them, or even worry about them. We need to focus on what is happening here, right now, because we only have this given moment and overthinking takes us away from the present moment. Worrying about things that have a high likelihood of not occurring is wasted time. Even if the bad thought-out situation that we worry about arises, we have effectively lived the event twice (1x when we worry about it, 1x when the event occurs). What a waste of time. And the overthinkers who finally have let go of thoughts and not worry about anything, now worry about not worrying. And so it starts again.   

A lot of overthinking also stems from our constant need to people please, which I will write about another time, but this post would not be complete without mentioning it.

You may wonder by now if a Hirngespinst is at all useful. Well, society would say it is bad, because by definition it means to be having an absurd idea, but there are situations when one should explore the Hirngespinst, that lives in their head. This is especially so when someone has a ‘crazy’, yet brilliant idea.  If someone discourages someone from pursuing a dream or wanting to break away from the norm and do the uncommon in order to become the best version of themselves, and tells them that they have a Hirngespinst, don’t listen to them. Don’t listen to the naysayers and the people that want to keep you from your best self. They will hold you back at every opportunity. Instead, give the Hirngespinst some room to be explored. Spin those amazing, helpful and soulful thoughts together. Who knows, your Hirngespinst could be the best thing the world has ever seen.

We often live life with little thought for the small things we do. Living in consequence is not necessarily about all the big decisions we have to make in life either, but rather understanding all the actions we take from the moment we wake up to the time we put our head on the pillow at night.

When we consider what we do every day from the time we awake to the time we go to sleep, a lot of it happens on autopilot. Monday to Friday may look slightly different to the weekend but generally we find ourselves in a routine. Monday morning the alarm goes off and we hit the snooze button, until we absolutely have to get up. We reluctantly drag our semi-asleep body to the bathroom, followed by the kitchen. We press a few buttons in hope to wake up, once the sweet perfume of caffeine has infiltrated our cells. But because we hit snooze one too many times, we find ourselves rushing around again to make it to work and there is no time to even enjoy the coffee. We have to haste the kids out of the house. We have to run to make it to the train, but like the week before, we miss it. Then we do the same things at work, and we rush from meeting to meeting, and have the same conversations ten times about what activities we participated in on the weekend. Then we have our mid-morning coffee to ensure that our energy levels don’t plummet too soon because we went to bed late again the night before, watching mind-numbing TV shows.  It keeps repeating all throughout the week. The only difference between Monday and Friday is that people ask us about our plans for the weekend instead of what we did last weekend. And the sad part, no one actually cares.

A day turns into a week. A week turns into a month, and then into a year and we spend most of it trying to catch up and do better the next day, only to find ourselves doing the same thing yet again and time seems to escape us. We even spend time talking to others how time runs faster now. We fill our days with meaningless conversations either about the past or the future and wonder why we are never in the present. We seem to not understand why the days just slip away from us and we can never get on top of things, even if we tried. We often think that hitting the snooze button today won’t matter, because we can do better tomorrow. We think that having conversations that no one cares about doesn’t matter, because we all have them and it is a way of fitting in and showing interest. We think that the running around is just how it is. Is that really the most beneficial way for all of us though? Does the constant repeat of the same actions not also equal a reaction and consequences?

Whilst most people are familiar with the concept of “actions lead to consequences”, in our daily life, we don’t think much about it. We rarely consider consequences of everyday small choices as important. It is only when we are faced with life-altering decisions, that we weigh up our actions and the possible ramifications. To live in consequence is more than just thinking about big actions, but considering the small decisions we make daily. It is often the smallest decisions that carry the biggest weight. To live every day with meaning means to be deliberate with every action, with every conversation, with every word that leaves our mouth, and with every step we take. It means to start being conscious and waking up in a world that so desperately tries to keep us asleep by doing mind-numbing things. It is about taking control back of our life and not finding ourselves on the back foot constantly.

To live in consequence is about becoming aware of everything we do and understanding why we do it. It is about comprehending whether the unconscious habit that we action every day is the one that is holding us back. It is about breaking the cycle of keeping ourselves stuck and being fully awake from the moment we wake up. It is about knowing whether succumbing to the seduction of coffee will help us with our future or hold us back. It is about stopping to negotiate with ourselves why we need to hit the snooze button and just getting up. It is about noticing the things we usually miss, like the wonders of the world and nature around us. It is about setting things in motion that conversations can shift from meaningless rubbish about something or someone, to impactful discussions that leave us in awe and challenge our thinking, so we can grow.

So find it within yourself to not just open those pretty eyes of yours when the alarm goes off, but to fully awake to life and to everything it has to offer. Awake to every action that you undertake and say “no” to the one that don’t serve you. It is only then, when you live in consequence, that you realise that you don’t even need an alarm clock or the caffeine because there is no amount of tiredness that could keep you from the endless possibilities this precious thing called life has to offer.

If there is one thing to stop immediately, it is gossiping. Not tomorrow, not on Monday, not any other time, but right now. To participate in gossip is one of the most detrimental actions one can undertake, but ironically, it is broadly accepted in the world we live in. To gossip can hurt people in more ways than one. It can absolutely destroy someone’s reputation and life. If we think that we didn’t start the rumour and therefore us participating in it is not as bad, it is. It is equally as bad, maybe even worse. Gossiping carries a lot of negative energy; energy that could be spent differently, and it says more about us than the person we talk about.

Gossiping is most fascinating as it is widely accepted in our society as a way to bond with others. It is mind-blowing when we realise that gossiping helps us to fit in with others. If we share information about someone else, especially information that has drama attached to it, we are more likely to be accepted in particular groups. People love to be in the know and love to have information confirmed about someone else. It makes them feel better about themselves and makes them feel superior. It reminds them that their situation is not so bad. It is also a way of feeling one has power over someone else. Whilst it may provide temporary relief of one’s own issues, what gossiping really says is that one has low self-esteem and one does not even respect oneself.

Gossiping means we can take away the focus from our own miserable life and put someone else down. Even if what we say about someone has some truth to it, is it really our job to talk about it and let other people know? Is it our job to talk about their problems? About their failings? What about their feelings? We are so upset when someone else is spreading rumours about us but we do not consider how others feel when we talk about them. This is especially so, when we have been hurt by someone and we think we can hurt them back by talking about them. They may be bad people and treat us or others wrong, but it does not give us a right to spread rumours about them. Maybe they are also fighting their own demons, like we all do. And who are we to judge? One should be very careful with throwing rocks when one may sit in a glasshouse.

The same goes for drama. People will always try to get us into someone else’s or their own drama. It is probably also why people love soap operas, or mind-numbing reality TV shows. They are full of drama. It is sad that we derive pleasure from other people’s suffering and we have nothing better to do, than to watch other people fail. When people try to suck us into drama, we should be very careful as it may backfire; not onto them, but us. We may be the ones ending up in the firing line. Of course, we want to help people and be there for them, but we need to understand when to help and how to help, and when to step away to not inadvertently help feed the drama. We cannot help no one with their drama, we just cultivate and generate negativity for them, and also for ourselves. Nothing good can come from it and no amount of fitting into a group is worth being put into the centre of someone’s drama, or destroying someone’s life. And let’s not forget, the people who we generally gossip with, who seem to be so loyal, are also talking about us. Don’t kid yourself; as soon as you don’t gossip with them, they will stab you in the back, and spread rumours about you.

You may wonder what you have to talk to people about if it is not to talk about others’ shortcomings? You may also wonder what happens if you are not in the know. But do you really need to know? Does it really impact your life positively knowing about other people’s lives? If you have nothing to talk about when you cut out the gossip, then maybe they are not the people you should hang out with in the first place. But cutting out gossip also gives you a chance to worry about your own life. And really, the only thing you should actually worry about is your life and not whether someone did something or not. All those people that complain that they have no time for meditation, exercise, writing, or anything else, that could enhance their life, could use the time that they spend gossiping, to work on themselves.

Do you want to be known for the person who gossips, or the person who is too busy worrying about themselves and where they are going? I know we have all been there at one point or another, but now is the time to stop it and worry about your own life and how you can help yourself and build the life of your dreams. Forget about fitting in, because your job is not to fit in. Your job is to be the best version of who you are. Forget about having to know everything about everyone, because the only thing you need to know is who you are and what you do.