If there is one thing to stop immediately, it is gossiping. Not tomorrow, not on Monday, not any other time, but right now. To participate in gossip is one of the most detrimental actions one can undertake, but ironically, it is broadly accepted in the world we live in. To gossip can hurt people in more ways than one. It can absolutely destroy someone’s reputation and life. If we think that we didn’t start the rumour and therefore us participating in it is not as bad, it is. It is equally as bad, maybe even worse. Gossiping carries a lot of negative energy; energy that could be spent differently, and it says more about us than the person we talk about.
Gossiping is most fascinating as it is widely accepted in our society as a way to bond with others. It is mind-blowing when we realise that gossiping helps us to fit in with others. If we share information about someone else, especially information that has drama attached to it, we are more likely to be accepted in particular groups. People love to be in the know and love to have information confirmed about someone else. It makes them feel better about themselves and makes them feel superior. It reminds them that their situation is not so bad. It is also a way of feeling one has power over someone else. Whilst it may provide temporary relief of one’s own issues, what gossiping really says is that one has low self-esteem and one does not even respect oneself.
Gossiping means we can take away the focus from our own miserable life and put someone else down. Even if what we say about someone has some truth to it, is it really our job to talk about it and let other people know? Is it our job to talk about their problems? About their failings? What about their feelings? We are so upset when someone else is spreading rumours about us but we do not consider how others feel when we talk about them. This is especially so, when we have been hurt by someone and we think we can hurt them back by talking about them. They may be bad people and treat us or others wrong, but it does not give us a right to spread rumours about them. Maybe they are also fighting their own demons, like we all do. And who are we to judge? One should be very careful with throwing rocks when one may sit in a glasshouse.
The same goes for drama. People will always try to get us into someone else’s or their own drama. It is probably also why people love soap operas, or mind-numbing reality TV shows. They are full of drama. It is sad that we derive pleasure from other people’s suffering and we have nothing better to do, than to watch other people fail. When people try to suck us into drama, we should be very careful as it may backfire; not onto them, but us. We may be the ones ending up in the firing line. Of course, we want to help people and be there for them, but we need to understand when to help and how to help, and when to step away to not inadvertently help feed the drama. We cannot help no one with their drama, we just cultivate and generate negativity for them, and also for ourselves. Nothing good can come from it and no amount of fitting into a group is worth being put into the centre of someone’s drama, or destroying someone’s life. And let’s not forget, the people who we generally gossip with, who seem to be so loyal, are also talking about us. Don’t kid yourself; as soon as you don’t gossip with them, they will stab you in the back, and spread rumours about you.
You may wonder what you have to talk to people about if it is not to talk about others’ shortcomings? You may also wonder what happens if you are not in the know. But do you really need to know? Does it really impact your life positively knowing about other people’s lives? If you have nothing to talk about when you cut out the gossip, then maybe they are not the people you should hang out with in the first place. But cutting out gossip also gives you a chance to worry about your own life. And really, the only thing you should actually worry about is your life and not whether someone did something or not. All those people that complain that they have no time for meditation, exercise, writing, or anything else, that could enhance their life, could use the time that they spend gossiping, to work on themselves.
Do you want to be known for the person who gossips, or the person who is too busy worrying about themselves and where they are going? I know we have all been there at one point or another, but now is the time to stop it and worry about your own life and how you can help yourself and build the life of your dreams. Forget about fitting in, because your job is not to fit in. Your job is to be the best version of who you are. Forget about having to know everything about everyone, because the only thing you need to know is who you are and what you do.