Death is not particularly a topic that most people are interested in talking about as it brings up all sorts of feelings. I have spent several years researching and studying death, how different cultures perceive death, prepare for death, mourn and celebrate death. It is most fascinating considering that some cultures undertake certain customs to free the soul or prepare the soul for the ‘afterlife’ and the differences in belief of what happens after one dies. I guess none of us actually know what really happens after life, and this is also not what this post is about, but rather, how bringing death closer to our consciousness can make us lead a better life.
As humans we go through life thinking we are invincible. When we are young, no one wants to talk about death. In teenage years, 20s or early 30s especially, we think nothing can hurt us. Statistically speaking, nothing should because life expectancy is somewhere in the 80-year range, depending on country. The older we get, the more we may ponder about life and death, however, not to the point that our own mortality is at stake. Even if we brush up against death through an accident, illness or disease, we have nothing better to do but to throw the kitchen sink at whatever it is that plagues us. If we actually recover from it all, only a few of us have it in them to change their lifestyle. Most of us don’t consider the abuse and use of our bodies and minds and fill it with junk and want the system to bail us out but what for? To do the same thing all over again?
Aging, which is something that happens in the run-up to death, assuming we are not dying before-hand, is not something that is celebrated in our society. Rather, we try to cheat aging and prolong life as much as we can. When we see the first sign of wrinkles or the first few grey hair, we try beauty products to hide and make our youth last forever. In the pursuit to make ourselves immortals, we don’t consider quality of life but only think quantity. The only explanation I have for all the ducking and weaving and for not talking about death, is that either we don’t want to face the fact that at some point we will lose someone that is close to us, or we fear our own death itself. Yet, we still don’t consider quality over quantity.
Generally, death gets a bad reputation as it is associated with hurt and unpleasant feelings of anger, loneliness, confusion, heartache, and even guilt of the things we didn’t say or do. And I would agree that Death and mourning can be tricky. Death can be cruel. It can rip us into pieces and leave us with insurmountable pain. It is often only when someone so close to our heart departs this world, that we realise not only what we have lost but how deeply we have loved. It is often the pain of deep heartache that lets us know we are even alive. And as much as it hurts, that pain is a reminder that we are still here and have a chance at life; we are still breathing.
The fact is, nothing is permanent, and death is part of life. The more we consider someone else’s mortality, and our own for that matter, the quicker we can lead a better life instead of wasting it with crap that doesn’t matter. There are people on their death bed right now, begging to get another chance to have a crack at life, but yet we are wasting our time because we think tomorrow is guaranteed. Nothing is guaranteed and time does not owe us anything. It is later than we think and sooner or later death will also knock on our door.
Ultimately death is inevitable. Bringing death closer is not about drowning ourselves in the painful memories of having lost someone, but celebrating the time we had with them. It is about how we choose to love and ultimately, how we choose to live. Bringing other’s death closer, helps us treat people better, and bringing our own mortality closer is about truly living and making the most out of the time we have left; those precious breaths we unconsciously take every day without noticing. This does not mean we should quit our jobs tomorrow and sit on a mountain meditating forever in the day, but about finding joy in every day. Whatever you decide that needs changing, this does not mean to make a drastic move, but considering where you are and where you would like to be in the future. If you do not like to be where you are today, then look at the actions of yesterday and the past days, weeks, months and maybe even years. It is the choices of your past that got you to exactly where you are right now. If you don’t like what you see, you have to change something here and now because the same actions will not magically produce different results. If you want to live a different life tomorrow, then you have to do something about it today and not wait for Monday or next year, or when you have the house, or lost the weight, or the car. Guess what? You may not make it there. So whatever it is that you want out of life, start doing something now because it can be over any moment.
Death is about looking at our life and asking ourself that if we died tomorrow, can we honestly say that we have lived a great life? Have we given the best of what and who we are? Have we loved enough? If not, why not? What is holding us back to live our best life? The buck stops with us and we are the only ones who are holding ourselves back. Every day that we are alive, we get given a new day. A day where we can decide how we view the world, how we go about our day and how we live. I am not here to tell you how you should live, because I would never want anyone to tell me how to live mine. All I am saying is that it is later than you think, and you don’t know when your time is up, so make the most of it. Stop worrying about the things that no one actually cares about, and start living the life that you dream of. We do not know when we draw our last breath. Death is the only thing that reminds us to make the most of life and making sure that we live life to its fullest. At some point, our bodies will give in on us, and it is all over.
For me, thinking about death makes me come alive as I know that my time comes sooner or later and I want to make the most with the time I have left. So, consider your own mortality and do the things that get you to living your best life, even if you have to make sacrifices along the way and do the uncomfortable things. Or don’t. For me, I do not want to lie on my deathbed one day thinking about all the things I didn’t say or didn’t do, the chances I didn’t take, the adventures I didn’t embark on. I want to live everything, even the things that are challenging at times. It is called life for a reason because the point is to live it and not to just exist.