There is so much distraction in this world. Most of which we know about and we acknowledge as distraction but then there are the subtle ones that we don’t recognise as taking away from our own journey. Distraction comes at us from any possible angle. It often finds us exactly when we say enough is enough and we try to draw a line in the sand. It is then, when we are being tested, if we are serious about it. You know the time, when you say you are not going to eat chocolate anymore, all of a sudden there is chocolate everywhere. Someone offers you chocolate on that day who normally wouldn’t, maybe even a stranger, and all your mind thinks about all day is chocolate. And whilst you are not being distracted by eating chocolate, you are by thinking about it and your thoughts are distracted after all.
The same happens when you start distancing yourself from some people that you recognise may not be your people. All of a sudden, they ring you because they have an issue or something is going on. And of course, you don’t want to leave them high and dry in their hour of need. Likewise, suddenly there are the people you have not seen in years who come out of the woodworks. And if it is not them, then there are all these new people making it into your life in very subtle ways. You change jobs and you left your old work colleagues behind and things fizzle out because you really only had work in common. Now that you have all that time on your hands, you start bonding with new colleagues and before you know it become real cozy with them. We are social creatures after all, so this is only to be expected. But are you really friends with them because you truly bond with them over things you share, or is the carpet you walk on in the office the only thing you actually have in common? With some people you absolutely will vibe and you may even find your people there, but equally they may just be another time filler. And only you know the answer to that.
It is the same when you just want to spend time by yourself and doing a lot of self-development. But instead of doing that, you find yourself knee-deep into baking cookies and cakes, enough for half an army. You spent the last five hours baking away instead of reading, writing, meditation, exercising, r whatever else you actually had set out to do. And now that you have more sweets than you have friends, you give cookies and cakes to people that live an hour away or your neighbours that don’t actually care about them and may just throw them into the bin. I am not suggesting that you suck as a baker, but you don’t know what fate your cakes await. Don’t get me wrong, gifting things to people that you care about is not a bad thing but the question is, did you actually need to do it? Did you really want to do it, or was it simply self-sabotage? Was it yet another attempt at taking away time from yourself? You may not want to look at it that way and maybe baking is better than numbing yourself with shows or anything else that you usually use to distract yourself with, but essentially it is the same. Once again, you take precious time away from yourself. You make sure that you spend time doing something that doesn’t actually matter and no one cares about. And let’s be honest, does anyone actually need cake?
The people that suffer from the “helper”-syndrome know distraction all too well but still not recognise it as such. They deeply care for people, for their betterment, and for being there for them. They constantly give of themselves in pursuit of helping others, but in doing so take away from their own life. They distract themselves with the drama of other people, instead of focusing on their own betterment. I am not saying to not be there for others but you have to know the difference between being there for others and possibly ending up as their dumping ground, and being there for yourself. You read that correctly: When are you there for yourself? When will you finally show up for yourself? It is easier to forget about yourself when you help someone else and focus on their problems. But for the empath this is tricky because you can feel their pain and you can see their suffering and you want your loved ones to feel better, and to be better. You even struggle to distance yourself from the stranger and their suffering because you can feel it deeply. It is such a good personality trait to have to care so much for others, but the “helper”- syndrome people sometimes don’t know how to draw a boundary to their own detriment. Unfortunately, you may try to help people that don’t even want your help. And this may sound harsh but is often what actually happens. The other people may just want us to buy into their stories, or they want us to agree with them and why they should be a victim, and they may just use us. When you agree with people on why they should feel a certain way, you help them validate their situation and validate why things are that way instead of evoking a sense of why they should be helping themselves. You may actually end up enabling them by excusing their behaviour.
So instead of trying to help people that either just use you or don’t want to help themselves, why don’t you stop distracting yourself and help yourself. I know it is not as simple as that but there is a difference between caring for someone and carrying someone and most people mistake the former for the latter. You absolutely can care for someone and help them when they genuinely need your help. But you have to know which one is which and you have to stop carrying other people’s problems around and take away from your own life. Everyone has their own journey to sort out and so do you.
Distraction can come in many different ways and is often disguised as something else and in ways we don’t see. It can be simple and subtle and we still miss it. Anything really can be a distraction, but you have to know when something is or isn’t. You have to know when someone genuinely wants and needs your help. You have to know when baking is something you thoroughly enjoy and it balances you, or whether you use it to take away precious time to do other things and work on your business idea. Maybe baking is your gift and the business you want to work on, but maybe it is just distraction. It comes down to examining your life and whether you fill the time that you have with things or people that take away from you. Know the difference and help yourself and your journey. Cut anything that doesn’t serve you and be careful of distraction. It will try to weasel its way back into your life when you least expect it and in the most unexpected ways. Life is so precious and so is time, so love yourself enough to stop taking away from yourself.